Father's and Finances

This week’s lesson was on Fathers and Finances. This is a subject that is not talked about a lot simply because of all the different views on this topic. I believe that this topic is something that every couple should talk about before they are getting married. It encompasses roles of the parents, the path you and your spouse will take, and what your guys’ goals and wants are for the future. Not only should you talk about it before getting married, but it should be something that is talked about consistently throughout your life with your husband and wives.

To start off, I would like to give a quote by Thomas S. Monson. He says, “we do live in turbulent times. Often the future is unknown; therefore, it behooves us to prepare for uncertainties. Statistics reveal that at some time, for a variety of reasons, you may find yourself in the role of financial provider. I urge you to pursue your education and learn marketable skills so that, should such a situation arise, you are prepared to provide.” This is one of the most important things to me and my significant other. I think that it is important to be prepared for anything to come. It is important to gain an education to be prepared to support a family with whatever happens, especially for the male. 

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it explains that a father’s role is to preside over the family in love and righteousness and the mothers are primarily responsible for nurture of the children. However, I think that it is also important to mention that it says other circumstances may necessitate this individual adaptation. It is important for us to remember that the Lord has a plan for us and our different circumstances can still lead us to accomplish what the Lord has in plan for families.

In the article, Staying at Home: How to Downsize from Dual to Single Income, Michael De Groote says, “in today’s economy, many households are cutting back from a dual income to a single income – whether by choice like Jonni McCoy or because of economic realities like layoffs. The success of such transitions depends on several common factors and plans.” This quote helps us remember that when you cut your income down to one provider, there are major considerations to be made, whether it be by choice or not. One of the most important things to remember is that we must not spend the same amount of money as when we had two incomes. This is something that is hard to adjust to, so it must take planning for the future if you are planning on having children or cutting down one of the providers.

In the article Does a Full Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop Dennis Prager says, “the intellectual input she can find is likely to be greater than most women (or men) find working outside of the home.” This article explains that when a women is a stay at home mother, her education is not “down the drain.” As a woman, it is my biggest goal to become a stay at home mother. I am in college and receiving a major. However, I do not think that doing this and then staying at home with my future children is a waste of time. Furthering our education is important for reasons like home schooling our children/helping them with their homework, have knowledge about financial stability, taxes, interest, etc., and having a knowledge of how to help out children through all the stages of their lives. This article is very interesting and I definitely recommend reading into it. 

Links: 

http://www.dennisprager.com/does-a-full-time-homemaker-swap-her-mind-for-a-mop/

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/765556846/Staying-at-home-How-to-downsize-from-dual-to-single-income.html

Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

In my Family Relations class this week, we learned a lot about communication. I hear from many couples that one of the most important things in keeping a marriage healthy is to have healthy communication. When I began this week, I had to questions. Is good communication enough to keep a positive marriage? How can we accomplish positive communication skills?

One thing that I think is important to remember is that there are many different forms of communication. Sometimes, even though we think we are communicating effectively, we may not be. Tone, nonverbal and body language, and the connotation of what we say can all have an effect on how our communication comes across to the people that we are talking to.

When passing your thoughts and feelings to someone, we generally follow the same pattern throughout. First, we encode the message to the person we are talking to, meaning we are giving off or explaining the message that we want to convey. The second step is communicating through a medium. This can be done from face-to-face talking, texting, media, and other forms as well. This step is one of the most important steps, as it is when we convey what we are putting across. The third step is decode, which is what the person who you are sending the message to does. This is an important step because the results may be different based off of what the sender conveys. If the sender, for example, is sarcastic, boring, or angry when talking to the listener, they may feel that the person is not interested in talking to them. However, on the other hand, if the sender is using had gestures, gently touching the person’s arm, or making eye contact, the listener feels as if they are important and that the person is interested in talking to them.

Along with this topic, there are definitely problems of communication. It is important that we understand them and ensure that we are not falling into the trap of corrupt communication. One of the more obvious problems is noise. This is something that can be easily fixed just by changing the setting of where we are talking. Another problem we come across is media. This is a problem because it cancels out important aspects of communication such as nonverbal communication, eye contact, and being focused on what the conversation is about. This can be a problem because things can be taken the wrong way when speaking through text or other forms of social media. In fact, nonverbal communication makes up 51% of communication. When taken away, communication is less than 50% accurate of what is needed to have a mutual conversation. Another thing that can serve as a problem to communication is misunderstandings. This is relevant in many aspects of our life. For example, when sitting at a dinner table with your spouse, and they say they are fine if you ask them what is wrong, it may come off as them being mad or upset with you. However, it could just be that they have a headache, they are tired, or that they are really fine. Another example can be that you told your roommate that you did not want to go to dinner that night with them. The roommate may take it as you not wanting to be with them, but in reality you could be having family struggles or simply do not have enough cash. I encourage you that when you are put into these situations, to change the phrasing to “I am okay, I just do not feel vey well. Thank you for asking, I really appreciate that,” or “thank you so much for inviting me to dinner with you, but I do not have money right now to go.” Just a simple change in the phrasing can help communication be stronger because it avoids causing inaccurate emotions. 

Crisis is not bad, it is critical!

The lesson this week can be applied to all of us in one way or another! One thing that everyone goes through on a daily basis, some more than others, is stress! The definition of stress is being in a state of mental and emotional strain and/or tension.

What would it be like to not have stress? I do not know about everyone else, but I think all the time about how amazing it would be if everything would work out the way I wanted it to! However, that is not the case. Stress is more important in our lives than we think.

One of the biggest reasons why stress is important is that it provides opposition in our lives. It can simply be stated as us not knowing happiness without knowing sadness, not knowing excitement without knowing boredom, and not knowing love without feeling loneliness. One thing that I went through as a young woman was becoming a convert to the church. One thing that really stuck out to me during this time of my life was that the gospel made me feel so happy. One of the biggest reasons I decided to go aside from my family beliefs was because I saw the opposition in values. It made the decision easier to become a member of this gospel when I knew what it was like to be without it. This does not mean that you need to have experiences just as this to have a true testimony of the church, this is just a personal experience.

The world would be too easy if we did not have stress. One reason it is important to go through challenges is to learn lessons from them. This entire earthly life is a test of Heavenly Father to see if we will follow His commandments. One thing that I have learned is that hard experiences leads to greater understanding of the Lord’s plan. I look back at hard things from my past and I have pure joy knowing that I learned valuable lessons from going through that. It is said by many critics that “wish people do not try and remove stress.” One common example of removing stress from lives is when parents hand off their children to nannies because they do not have enough energy to take care of them. Before continuing, I think it is important to mention that it is not this way in every case of nannying, this is specifically about parents who do it because they simply do not want to be the ones that take care of the kids. When a parent finds it less stressful to hand off children to a nanny for any reason, the nanny becomes a parent figure to the children. When the children are taken away from this nanny at any given age, it is an emotional connection that is broken within the mind of the child, which can be extremely difficulty. Heavenly Father gives us children so we can know and become like Him! I think that it is important for us all to remember that if our children are being fussy, have medical disabilities, or anything of the sort, they were placed under our care specifically by Heavenly Father for a reason.

One thing to remember is that going through a crisis is not bad. In fact, going through crisis’s in our life is critical. I would like to encourage everyone that reads this post to make hard situations an opportunity to grow and be an example of strength to those around you! One thing that I have learned is that you never know who is watching and following your actions. It is important to act in faith no matter what the situation is, because our children will especially watch us. 

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

This topic is something that can be really awkward or strange to talk about for a lot of people. I am going to be careful in what I say and how I approach this topic.

The topic for this week was Sexual Intimacy and Family Life. I know that I am no expert on this subject, as I am just a teenager but I think that it is an important thing for all youth to know before coming across it in the future.

The first thing I would like to explain is that it is different for men and women what happens during sexual intimacy. For women, it gives them a feeling of safety and security, so it is much easier for them to feel sexual. For a male, it is actually the complete opposite. For the male, when he feels sexual, they begin to have a feeling of safety and security. The thing to remember is that we do not always know what the other partner is feeling, because it is so different for both of them. In fact, it is not only different mentally, but physically as well. For women, they may not climax during sexual intimacy, which may lead them to think that their partner does not want them to feel satisfied or care about their feelings.

Some challenges during sexual intimacy include being confused. It can be confusing especially during the first time, when you are trying to get to know the other person’s body and how to make both of you feel comfortable. Another challenge can be discomfort, which can come up in many different ways. Another common challenge that people don’t think about a lot is that it can sometimes be painful. For many couples, the first time brings up a lot of pain, which can also make the other person feel like they are no meeting the other persons needs. The last challenge that I would like to mention is that it brings out opportunities for selfishness. This might sound confusing to some, but it basically means that during sexual intimacy, you do not fulfill the other persons needs and only want your own needs fulfilled. However, with challenged comes the opportunity to grow and learn. One of the benefits from these challenges is that you begin to mesh with your partner. If you do what is comfortable all the time, you and your spouse would never mesh. Now this does not mean that you should constantly be doing something that you are uncomfortable with, it just means that sometimes the beginning of sexual intimacy can be awkward or uncomfortable.

Sexual intimacy is to be waited for until marriage in the LDS community. However, I believe that it should be waited to do for everyone, including those who are lot Latter-Day Saints. Before being marriage, it is important to learn communication with your significant other. This will be beneficial in every aspect of a marriage, even intimacy. It is a skill that needs to be learned early on in the relationship.

I would also like to point out the significance of this same intimacy being used to bring beautiful children into this world. It is important that God has laid out a plan for us, and that it is important to wait for this kind of sexual intimacy until marriage.