Divorce, Remarriage, and Aging Families

This week’s lesson was on something that is a touchy subject for some people to talk about. This is something that some families have gone through and has had negative effects. However, I just want to reiterate now that it is something that is beneficial to learn about so you know how to handle it if it happens.

The lesson thig week was about divorce, remarriage, and aging families.

Sometimes we ask ourselves: Is divorce good for you? Is it ever good for children? In the short run, the answer is NO for most people. In class we learned that some marriages that ended could have turned out to be satisfying if the issues within the relationship were fixed. Our textbook tells us that couples who are unhappy can work through their problems and have a happy relationship within five years. Personally, this feels like a very long time to me. I am sure that it feels like a long time to everyone reading this as well. Our textbook then continues to say that the question of whether a divorce would be good for you or whether it would be good for your children is not easy to answer. I have been involved with this in my personal life. There is a lot of divorce that has happened within my family, and it is very relevant that a lot of the time, the parents are getting a divorce or not getting a divorce simply because of what they want for their children, not what they want for themselves.

I would like to talk about some of the pros and cons that were mentioned in our textbook when it comes to divorce being difficult to obtain. The first pro mentioned is that stable families are the foundation of a stable society. If divorce was difficult, there would be less and it would sometimes force families to learn to work together, which could further lay down a strong foundation within society. The second pro that was mentioned is that couples need to learn to work through difficulties. This is something that I think everyone can work on when it comes to divorce. Far too often do I see people within relationships that are going through issues simply give up and not try to solve the issues. Another pro mentioned is that most marriages that break up could have lasted and become fulfilling if the partners had tried harder. This is something that I wonder all the time when I see divorced couples. It is definitely something that the couple needs to counsel with each other about and pray about before taking any actions. The next pro of divorce being difficult is that it is extremely traumatic for children when parents get divorced. I believe that it is traumatic at any age, simply because of all the major differences. If parents get divorced when the children are too young to remember, there are still lasting effects because children with single parents have outlying consequences that have been talked about in previous posts. The next is that it leaves couples with a sense of failure, a fear of future commitments, and possible long term traumas. That being said, there are also cons to having divorce be difficult. One of them is that it would force some people to stay in meaningless or even abusive relationships. This is the ultimate reason why difficult divorce can be dangerous. The other cons include divorce is only harmful to the society if people believe it is, and accepting divorce eliminates the damage it can cause. The next cons are that it means an increase in extramarital affairs, there is no point in adding to the pain of a bad marriage by making it more difficult to end it, and the quicker you can leave a bad marriage, the sooner you can get into a fulfilling and lasting one.

Parenting

This week in Family Relations we talked about something that is applicable to nearly everyone, and was definitely applicable to my major. For those of you that do not know, I am a Marriage and Family Studies Major. I am going to be a stay-at-home mom and this degree will help me to be the best mom and wife that I can be. One of the subjects for this week addressed the purposes of parenting. I was ecstatic when I found out that we would be learning about this! I love the fact that it is our divine purpose on this earth to have families. What an incredible blessing given from God!

Some of the purposes of parenting are to have families, raise a good society, and strengthen relationships. One of the most important reasons is to protect and prepare children to survive and to thrive in the world that they live in. It is an interesting thought that our parents raised us to be ready to grow up and be safe in the real world. Now we do the same for our own children, and they will do the same for their children. It is a selfless act that is so admirable and spiritual.

So where do we turn to for tips on the best parenting styles? One of the best sources is the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is a perfect example of how to be good parents! For example, in 1 Nephi 1:1, it begins by saying, “I, Nephi, having been bon of goodly parents, therefore, I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father.” Before taking this class, I had never dug deep into this verse. To my surprise, it is a great example of great parenting for multiple reasons. This scripture explains that Nephi was taught by his father, Lehi. Lehi was taught first by his father, and then taught all his children of the truths of this gospel. This is an example of what we do within our own families. Nephi is simply a story of a dad and a family. We can look to their example for guidance in that manner! This scripture is inspiring because it talks about how Nephi was taught ALL things from his father, not just the gospel, because he wanted his children to be successful. I love this thought because it is how I want to be as a parent. I think that it is so pure to be our childrens’ teachers in not only the gospel, but in every aspect of their life. One way to help teach our children is to allow them to spend time with you! Yes, it is still important to spend time with them playing with dolls, having reading time and singing their favorite songs. However, children love to help you in the kitchen, help fold laundry, and run errands! Children learn how to act based off of experiences such as this!

One thing to remember when raising children is that natural consequences are important, and that our children will make mistakes. My teacher said something that really stuck out to me. He said, “can you imagine if God punished us every time we did something wrong?” We all make mistakes, but through Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven, we can change our actions. It is important to place ourselves in our childrens shoes and see why some actions are being taken, and treat them as God treats us. One way that my teacher suggested to help them change their actions was to use the “I-statement,” which goes:

“When you _________, I feel ­­­­­­________, because ________. I would like, ________.”